Things I Learned From the First Presidential Debate!

Here are my thoughts (based entirely on what the candidates said):

--> John McCain needs a nicer pen.

--> McCain's repetition of "I didn't win Miss Congeniality in the U.S. Senate" probably implies that he wishes he had more friends.

--> All our companies are going to outsource to Ireland.

--> John McCain seemed eager to hear Senator Obama's "definition of rich," despite his problems earlier in this campaign with defining the mark ($5 million?).


--> A presidential candidate can use the word "festooned," then accuse his opponent of being out-of-touch and elitist.

--> Senator McCain is quite able to describe the Administration's Iraq strategy and make it sound incredibly stupid and inarticulate: "a strategy of going into an area, clearing and holding, and the people of the country then become allied with you. They inform on the bad guys. And peace comes to the country, and prosperity."

--> General Petraeus and Osama bin Laden "have one thing in common." They've both made money from the Bush family?

--> John McCain again put his foot down and declared that he stands firmly against a second Holocaust, a position that surely reinforces how much of a maverick he is.

--> Apparently, a dictator's speech in front of the United Nations doesn't count as a legitimizing propaganda platform, but a meeting with a ruler of another country does.



--> John McCain has a bracelet.

--> "Glasnost and perestroika" - $20 says that there weren't 100 people under the age of 25 watching that debate who actually knew what McCain was talking about.


--> Barack Obama is anti-tea parties, pro-arugula.

--> It's unclear how many people noticed John McCain mutter "horse shit" when Obama accused him of refusing to meet with the Prime Minister of Spain.

--> The evidence of North Korea being the "most repressive and brutal regime on Earth" is that "the average South Korean is three inches taller than the average North Korean, a huge gulag." I believe McCain meant repressive as in physically pushing down on its subjects.

--> Senator Obama, not to be outdone, "also has a bracelet," the difference being that his is in bling form around his neck, and is made entirely of gold.

--> John McCain loves the veterans. Really loves them. And he's going to take care of them. I now can't shake this mental image of John McCain enveloping our armed forces in an enormous hug, and gently kissing them each on the forehead.

--> When not facing the pressures of campaign consultants and advertising requirements, John McCain can, in fact, avoid mentioning his POW experience for approximately 87 minutes.

--> John McCain "knows how to heal the wounds of war," using strategies like coming home and cheating on your wife with a woman 18 years younger than you are.