IT'S OVER 9000, and "Frankly My Dear, I Don't Give a Damn About Unrepentant Terrorists!" 21 Days to Go!

--> Yesterday, the Dow continued its magical mystery tour by confounding all experts. After the biggest slump in the history of the stock market, the Dow climbed 936 points on Monday - its largest increase in history. This comes after the international community has announced increased cooperation in heading off this crisis. The stock market rally comes as great news to American investors, terrific news for American workers and their bosses, and fantastic news for John McCain. In the same way that the GOP has made its living off of fear-mongering about terrorism, the Democratic brand has thrived this election year thanks to fears of global depression. The less people are thinking about how to pay their bills instead of how Osama bin Laden is going to get them, the better McCain will do in the polls.


--> To be fair to Senator McCain, he apparently "loves being the underdog." The problem, of course, is that if you're still the underdog on November 5th, that means that the other guy already won. At a certain point, you can't remain the underdog and still win. Let's hope that Obama has some fear of the underdog, otherwise he will not survive (enter catchy trumpet part).


--> His 2nd place status certainly hasn't lowered McCain's spirits (at least not publicly). Foregoing the pre-debate tradition of lowering expectations, McCain forcefully declared, "I'll whip Obama's you-know-what!" I must say, it might just be a Freudian thing, but seeing the words "whip" and "Obama" come out of McCain's mouth so close together made me do a double-take upon my first glance at the article. Anyone who read my last entry might not be too surprised at my (sub)conscious association of McCain's campaign and racism.

Eh, so much for subconscious:

This too.


--> On the bright side, McCain revealed today that he actually doesn't care about the Ayers issue. Funny, neither do any other Americans - maybe McCain can relate to the middle class after all. Of course, the Senator insisted on stating his position in classic Gone With the Wind form: “Very frankly, Dana, I don’t give a damn about an old unrepentant terrorist." I'm pretty sure that's how that movie ended, but I did fall asleep in the middle of the film - the South losing the Civil War isn't really an M. Night Shyamalan-level twist.


--> For anyone who's spent the last few weeks living in a cave (lookin at you, Osama), McCain's campaign is sort of floundering. That reality was no more apparent than in today's announcement that the campaign plans to offer extra incentive to Florida volunteers (because apparently merely getting McCain elected isn't good enough - talk about an enthusiasm gap). The Florida GOP is offering a chance to meet McCain or Palin to their best phone bankers and canvassers, and gas gift cards to any particularly eager supporters (or desperate people who are willing to sacrifice political ethics for filling up their SUV).

It looks like you can count Republican Governor Charlie Crist out of the competition. He doesn't even plan on doing much at all for McCain between now and Election Day - quite a sign of confidence.


--> It's also increasingly obvious that the GOP is concerned about their chances of holding any seats in the United States Congress. The RNC is considering tapping a $5 million line of credit in order to help save some of its incumbents who haven't quite drowned yet. Although they insist that money won't be pulled from the presidential efforts, Republican leaders have to think very hard about who is beyond help, and who might actually survive thanks to a timely influx of cash.


--> As it turns out, there might be one Democrat that a Republican candidate can beat this year. One would have thought that when Florida voters replaced disgraced Congressman Mark Foley (R-FL), they might have brought a bit of moral integrity to the state's 16th Congressional District. And while I suppose an extramarital affair is farther up the morality scale than pedophilia, I'm not sure how much comfort Florida voters will find in that fact.

Congressman Tim Mahoney (D-FL) reportedly agreed to pay $121,000 to a former mistress, as well as offering her a $50,000 per year job, in order to prevent her from suing him. This allegation certainly puts his political career in jeopardy. We'll see how this one plays out, but in this anti-Republican national climate, even an affair might not be enough to defeat a Democratic incumbent.


--> Meanwhile, Senator Barack Obama continues to utilize his campaign as a way of reaching out to young voters. And even Senator Obama knows that the best way to connect with college students is through video games (I'm sure he would receive confirmation were he to visit his alma mater now). With this in mind, the Obama Campaign has purchased advertising space within the Xbox 360 racing game Burnout Paradise. So as gamers race their cars through cities, they may very well pass billboards like this one:


I'd imagine that the Obama campaign's next move will be to start inserting Obama as a promising QB to be drafted in Madden NFL 2009.


--> Finally, I know there's nothing you readers would rather read than a look into the mind of Levi Johnston.