Monday, June 9, 2008

Bullshit Without Bulls, and Some Worrying About Day 149 With 148 Days to Go!



So today, we begin a regular series here at EDC, focusing on blunders and strange moments that occur along the way to the White House. In this Youtube era, everything politicians say is watched very closely. This game of "gotcha" makes candidates less open, more formal, and less accessible to the press for fear of being taken down, a la George Allen, with a Macaca moment. Well, EDC loves games, and we will play them along with the rest of the media, although in this edition, we get to make fun of the media as well. No mercy here, as we present our first installment of:

Elephant & Donkey Crap (EDC for short....we're still working on the name).

Fecal Specimen #1: John McCain. It wouldn't be fair for us to start this series without focusing on the "Maverick" himself. Today, we learned of a Newsweek interview in which McCain was asked about a line in his prepared remarks for last Tuesday, a line in which he attacked the media for its "unfair" portrayal of Senator Clinton and her campaign (a thinly veiled grab for her supporters). McCain asserted to Newsweek that that sort of attack was not his style, and that he is "not in the business of commenting on the press and their coverage or not coverage." That's all well and good, except for the video of the speech in which he recites the line verbatum. Are we really at a point in American politics where the average citizen is paying so little attention that our leaders can blatantly deny recorded facts, and no one cares?

Fecal Specimen #2: FOX News. Of course, this is getting a little obvious, but I can't resist this one. After Obama's "I win" speech on Tuesday night, GOP News couldn't resist tearing into him on something, even if it was completely made up - plagarism. Take a look at the video, in which the anchor and correspondent both assert that Obama's speech sounds just like Mario Cuomo's. The only problem is that the lines sound nothing alike. Beyond the structural element of "you should go to places in American where people are suffering" (which every politician uses), the speeches are completely different. Obama talks about gas affordability, and Cuomo talks about farm subsidies and foreign steel. The two have nothing to do with eachother, besides both relating to the American economy, and Americans who are suffering due to our government's inaction. Then Obama talks about someone being unable to pay medical bills, and Cuomo talks about people living in sheds...what?? The only relation these two speeches have to each other is that they both use personal anecdotes, something that no politician ever does. And yet the Fox News staff doesn't even seem to notice - they prance around the television set, so cocky in having unearthed this damaging clip of Obama saying something that doesn't sound like Mario Cuomo. Gotcha!!! Your campaign is over now!! You sound a little bit like Mario Cuomo!! You sound eloquent!! Gotcha!

Other News of the Day:
--> Electoral-vote.com has a great story today analyzing the various explanations for why Clinton lost the primary when she seemed so destined to win it. Check it out. The main argument: she did everything wrong.
--> Ted Stevens is down 7% in a new poll to Anchorage Mayor Mark Begich. When his campaign was emailed asking for his comment, Ted Stevens muttered something about his corruption investigation by the US Justice Department, then put his message in, and it got in line. The Stevens-Reelection Campaign's official response: "Ted Stevens isn't just a truck you can dump things on, he's...he's a series of tubes!!" Getting this crazy man (3rd in line to the Presidency until the Dems won back control of Congress) out of our federal government, and heading home on his bridge to nowhere would be a huge win for Alaska, and a huge win for this country, because right now we're going nowhere.

--> Apparently, Obama's animated discussion with Lieberman in the Senate a few days ago was about Lieberman's recent character assaults and half-assed denials that Obama is a Muslim. Obama was disappointed in Lieberman, and told him that on January 20th, 2009, Lieberman will have to wear a Droopy mask and do a naked run around the capitol.


--> Were Obama (DON'T) to win (JINX) the election (IT) in November (!!!!!), his vacated Senate seat will have to be filled in a special election. Nancy Pelosi is already on the case, and has targetted Rep. Rahm Emanuel, who has spent the last few months hiding under a desk. Here at EDC, we believe that Emanuel would be a great Senator, especially since the desks are too small to hide under.
That being said, there's nowhere to hide in the Senate when Preston Brooks is on the loose!! Just think how civil Obama's conversation with Lieberman was. Back in the 1850s, Obama would have jumped him with a cane. Then again, in the 1850s Obama would have been the property of the guy with the cane. Think how far this nation has come. Then again, in the 1850s a man of McCain's age would be dead.

--> McCain is running webads of Obama and the Iranian President (I don't trust spellcheck for that one) side by side. You think the primary was bitter? You ain't seen nothing yet.

--> This just in: fist bumps aren't just for black people. Governor Mike Easley gets in on it with Obama. Which leads to our picture of the day:

Celebrating Victory in the 21st Century! When they achieve univeral healthcare, we'll see a high-five or even a chest bump.

1 comment:

Ethan Rothstein said...

Ben, this is f-ing hilarious, and kudos on the research. Hugs and handpounds dawg