McCain Pledges to Buy America Flowers and Obama Targets Javelin-Throwing Swing Voters! 136 Days to Go!

Today features a few fantastic polls (especially by the unbiased, expert Fox News), media targeting, and a brand new, more presidential look for Obama.

--> Fox News released a poll yesterday showing that Obama carries a narrow national lead over John McCain, 45% to 41%. More importantly, the poll asked voters to answer the really critical questions that face our nation today. According to the poll results, 64% of voters believe that John McCain "loves America a great deal," while only 48% believe that about Obama. McCain has spent many years wooing this country, courting her with chocolates, pork-barrel spending, and his awesome, evil robot suit (be sure to watch until the end to understand this reference). By the way, I just realized what the evil, McCain/Terminator reminded me of in that video:


Thank you, Futurama, for this one:Anyway, I'm glad to see Fox again asking the critical questions of this race. Tune in next week, as they ask voters which candidate they expect to hug more puppies.


--> It is interesting to note that presidential elections for years to come may well come down to contests between Ronald Reagan and Barack Obama. Just as the Baby Boomer generation came of age during the disappointment of Carter and the popularity of the Gipper, our current generation of young people has been largely angered by George W. Bush and inspired by Barack Obama. These competing generations may well decide this election, and Senator Obama is currently losing white voters born between 1944 and 1958 by a good 18%.


--> With no more Super Bowls between now and Election Day, the Obama Campaign is instead contemplating (expensive) ad buys during the Olympics. It's a large viewing audience, and it will demonstrate how Obama's fundraising advantage will play out against McCain. Speaking of which...


--> John McCain and Barack Obama each raised $22 million in May, tying them for the first time all year. Obama's operations have been running in overdrive this past month, and he should reestablish his advantage in June, but he needs to significantly out-raise McCain to justify his decision to opt out.


--> Just for those wondering, if Obama wins such a decisive victory in November that America is renamed Obamaland, don't worry: we will have a new presidential seal ready to go on Day One. The Obama Campaign today announced a new, spiffy logo for the candidate that will be displayed at his more formal, presidential events. Here it is:

It looks pretty nice. For those of you wondering, "E Pluribus Unum" is a shitty slogan, so Obamaland will be replacing it with "Vero Possumus," which, for those of you not fluent in dead languages, means "Yes We Can."

By the way, not to go on a rant here (not?), but what's the deal with Latin being used as important slogans? Yes, Latin makes you sound important and educated, but talk about ELITIST. No one has even spoken the language in 1500 years, you liberal intellectual. Why not put slogans in useful languages, like "Si, Podemos!"? Some day, the Latin on money is going to be changed without us realizing it, and it'll be part of a vast government conspiracy to tell the Romans that the time has come to rise up and take over. To come out in front of this problem, I urge all of you to lock any Ancient Romans in your neighborhood in concentration camps. Yes, you too, Brutus.


--> Anyway, because apparently the new website (reported here a week ago) wasn't doing enough to defend Obama from vicious lies, Mike Bloomberg is now on the case, speaking out yesterday that the Jewish community needs to put a halt to the rumors of Obama having pro-Muslim leanings. In case anyone was wondering on what policy opinions Bloomberg would bring as a possible running mate, he is apparently against fear-mongering and divisiveness, and for honesty. Republicans were reportedly dismayed at this news, and removed him from their shortlist of possible VPs.


--> Paul Newell, a long-shot candidate running against NYS Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver (D), has decided to unveil his new advertising campaign, portraying him as a Jewish Barack. I think this one is its own joke, so I'm not gonna add my own thoughts. All I'm gonna say is that making yourself sound MORE Jewish doesn't make you more electable.

EDIT: I sincerely apologize for confusing the facts here. I originally wrote that Silver was a Republican, which I forgot was incorrect. And while I did realize that Silver is himself a Jew, I was making a stupid, generic joke about possible disadvantages that Jewish candidates can face (how many Jews have been in the Oval Office?). I apologize for compromising the political integrity of this blog with a comment that should be left to Comedy Central. I have nothing against either Newell or Silver, and I hope that this blog is not taken any more seriously than what it is: my own sarcastic, not-very-serious thoughts on an election process that is often times hilarious.


That's all for today; more intriguing polls, Barney Frank thoughts, and useless pontificating tomorrow.