American Idolization, Sex and the City, and Other Relevant Pop Culture! 139 Days to Go!

Today, here at EDC, we'd like to bring you a special feature (thanks to Harrison for introducing its main focus). For the last few weeks, pundits (and any normal people who have been watching) have noticed the distinct excitement gap between McCain's supporters and Obama's supporters.

Case in point: Tuesday, June 3rd, the night that Barack Obama clinched the Democratic nomination. That historic night witnessed a can't-miss speech by Hillary Clinton vowing to fight on, a powerful rallying cry from Barack Obama, and a wheezing, sputtering mishap from John McCain. Besides the fact that whichever advisor told him to give a major address the night that Obama clinched the nomination should be fired, McCain's event could not have been any more of a hilarious side-by-side contrast with the Obama event. First, Obama:

Here, we have excitement, energy, a screaming crowd of 14,000 people, and a passionate speech on the future of this country (with no particular focus on John McCain). Now, the McCain event:

I can't find a picture of it, but it was an event filled with, literally, dozens of people. In all seriousness, there were a few hundred people there, listening to a completely lackluster speech, forced audience laughter, and awkward, nervous, old man laughter. Plus, the strangest backdrop ever used on a campaign event.

The contrast is inescapable; the excitement gap is literally tangible. McCain is going to have at least three formal debates with Obama, and unless he undergoes a style-makeover, he simply won't look presidential next to his opponent. That's why he wants the less formal town hall-style debates. Also, if McCain can't excite his base, and his conservative supporters, he has little chance of beating Obama in terms of turnout at the polls (which really is the name of the game).

I do have a better example of the enthusiasm gap. Many of us remember the Youtube sensation, Obama Girl. For those who haven't heard, her song, I've Got a Crush on Obama, has had millions of views, and was even discussed at a CNN Democratic debate.

Pros of Obama Girl: Attractive girl, pretty good voice, catchy song, pretty well-made video - probably entices a few people to vote for Obama, or at least take another look at him.

Cons: It generated a ton of copy-cats that are all shitty.

Thankfully, John McCain has his own musical backup. The McCain Girls are taking America by storm, and like most storms, Americans are responding accordingly: running inside, possibly hiding in the basement, and praying that the storm misses them and their loved ones.

Their videos, McCainiac and It's Rainin McCain, have become incredibly "popular," on Youtube, with the latter getting over 1,800,000 views. However, if you judge how many of those viewers reacted positively by the ratio of good video responses to negative ones, then there are 1,775,000 angry people out there, and 25,000 morons.

Problem #1: These women are simply not as attractive as Obama Girl. It's a pretty hilarious comparison. They could probably try wearing tight t-shirts with a picture of their candidate on them, but then again, I wouldn't want them to.

Problem #2: These women don't know how to write lyrics. Here's a critique of a few of them:

--> "According to our sources, McCain should get the vote." - I question whom these sources are, and how credible they are. Have the McCain Girls been getting anonymous calls for Karl Rove? How are we to believe these sources, probably the same ones spreading rumors about Obama hating the American flag?

--> "In the 2008 election, the forecast calls for rain." - Now, maybe I'm missing the figurative nature of this line, but rain would actually limit voter turnout in a lot of key, rural areas that McCain needs to win.

--> "For the first time in history, it's gonna start rainin' McCain." - False. In actuality, there was a freak McCain downpour in the Arizona desert in 1982. Scientists still question its cause to this day.

--> "I'm gonna go out and let my self get - absolutely John McCain." - Now I really don't understand this. All they're doing is taking the original lyrics and sticking "John McCain" in place of random adjectives or nouns.

--> "He tought every angel to rearrange the vote, so that each and every American could find John McCain." - Not even a chance of deciphering this one. The best I can do is that he's involved in the Diebold Corporation and the GOP's attempts to program electronic voting machines to cast false votes for the Republican nominee. As for the second half, if McCain's idea of a Presidential campaign is Where's Waldo, then he's got some big problems to worry about.

--> Also, notice how none of these lyrics rhyme, except when "John McCain" is rhymed with "John McCain."

--> "Talking straight talk on the Straight Talk Express, changing Americans' lives." - Amazingly enough, John McCain has probably not changed anyone's life while on his bus tour, unless you count that guy whom his bus hit while making a right on red. By the way, the Straight Talk Express only goes 25 miles an hour, and always drives with its left blinker on.

--> My absolute favorite: "McCain can cut you with his knife, slice you up and slice and dice, if you challenge his candidacy." - This as one of the Girls brandishes a knife menacingly at the camera, then goes to work cutting her own wrists. I know he's down in the polls, but suicide is not the answer. Also, threatening people to vote for you probably isn't either. However, I do love the connection between this line and the discussion of Obama's comments regarding bringing a gun to a knife fight, because this is a knife fight after all. This even plays into the stereotype of McCain being an angry person. I absolutely love it. I may make a shirt out of this line.

--> "I'm voting like I've never voted before." - That much is obvious; if you'd voted before, you'd understand some key features of the democratic process, such as not threatening people into voting your way with a knife. Also, you'd probably actually know some things about what John McCain stands for, because all I get from these videos is that he's pro-knife killing, and apparently wants to fight some more in Vietnam.

--> (Referring to the White House) "It's a hard warm place of mystery; touch it, but can't hold it." - I have no idea what this line means. Hard and warm? You can't hold it? I guess that makes sense, as the Secret Service would probably tackle you before you could wrap your hands around the building. Does this mean that power is fleeting? I don't think these girls are that deep.

Problem #3: These Girls have no idea how to make a video. Observe:

--> The bouncing head of John McCain (around 1:32) and the enormous head of John McCain (around 0:48) are simply not appealing. Use a slightly better background.

--> And speaking of backgrounds, apparently, the woman on the left actually has chameleon powers. Word of advice: don't wear tight blue pants when you're standing in front of a blue screen. At :43 seconds your pants become the American flag, at 1:05 your entire body becomes the American flag, and at 1:17 you become Vietnam. Unless this is some sort of statement, you're an idiot who really shouldn't be allowed near, or in front of, a camera.

--> In "McCainiac," there's a 6 second segment starting around 1:07 where the Girls begin wandering aimlessly around the screen, apparently lost. This is probably their take on McCain's impending senility, and, through interpretative dance, they have tried to express his confusion as to why his house is suddenly white.

--> And then we come to the cream of the crop: the Girls create a robotic, incredibly evil-looking, Terminator-like John McCain that apparently can fly because it has rockets instead of legs. They even gave it what looks like an eye patch, but may be a targetting device. Either way, there's a difference between looking tough and presidential, and looking like a cross between Robocop and the Terminator. Also, making him hold an American flag doesn't make him look less evil, it makes him look like a conquerer.

Problem #4: The McCain Girls also can't sing. The three of them sing on every verse, but it's not harmony, it's more of a "yell at roughly the same pitch so it makes us sound stronger." Words of advice: when you're going off key, singing louder doesn't help, it makes it worse. Spirit doesn't make your performance better. I would unleash this guy on you, but I don't think you'd be let inside the set.

So, in conclusion, they can't sing, can't make videos, can't write lyrics, and aren't going to attract any new voters. God bless you ladies, and keep on fighting.

Other News of the Day:

--> Obama declares that the wives are off limits in the campaign. He says he will not attack Cindy, and is disappointed that John McCain hasn't spoken out against the attacks on Michelle Obama. You mean a candidate wants to have a campaign without mindless, irrelevant distractions? Where am I?

--> Obama and Hillary Clinton are planning a joint appearance next week to begin fulfilling their commitment to party unity. Of course, the next 7 days will feature a ton of speculation and arguing over the possibility that she'll be named his running mate at the appearance. Chances are she won't be, but that won't stop the pundits and the blogosphere.

--> John McCain flip-flops in a key swing state - another brilliant strategy move. This one is on drilling for oil off the coast of Florida. There's currently a federal moratorium on drilling there, but McCain has decided that he wants to help out the struggling oil companies. Best of all, a week ago, Florida Governor Charlie Crist said, "I am not" in response to being asked if he was dropping his opposition to the drilling. However, yesterday he decided to change his mind in order to help out McCain. Stupid, stupid move for both of them. This is a wildly unpopular position for Floridians, and it's possible, as Taegan Goddard points out, that McCain just lost himself Florida, which I have pointed out repeatedly is a must-win for him.

--> Apparently, according to a new article in Us Weekly, Barack loves Michelle because she likes Sex and the City and she shops at Target - truly the foundation of any successful marriage.

Super Poll Bowl!! Tons of fun to report today.

--> Quinnipiac releases polls today of the big three swing states: Florida, Ohio and Pennsylvania. No candidate has won the White House in 50 years without winning two of the three. The poll shows Obama up 47% to 43% in Florida, 48% to 42% in Ohio, and 52% to 40% in Pennsylvania.

--> Perhaps even more interesting in these polls is the total African-American support that Barack receives. Unprecedented levels of support in that demographic could push Obama to a big win - his worst showing is in Ohio, where he still wins all but 6% of the black vote (he wins in PA 95% to 1%). John Kerry did "terribly" among African-Americans in 2004, winning 84% in Ohio. If Obama wins a close election, it will be because African-Americans came out in record numbers, and overwhelmingly chose the first African-American nominee.

--> Kentucky's Senate race (not reported on before by EDC because it shouldn't be close unless the GOP is in deep trouble) is a statistical tie, with Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R) leading Bruce Lunsford (D) 50% - 46%. If this is accurate, Election Day will be a very long night for Republicans.

--> A poll commissioned by NARAL demonstrates that, when voters are given accurate, unbiased information about McCain and Obama's respective positions on abortion, Obama's national lead grows to 53% - 40%. This is an issue where many voters are misinformed about McCain's solidly pro-life leanings, and it's an issue that Obama will certainly talk a lot about (especially if Hillary or another woman is his running mate).

Picture of the Day:

I know this was a long post, but thanks for reading all the way through. You're welcome, Bitches.